National Divorce Day: the money admin that helps you feel steady again

January 5th was National Divorce Day – the peak of the year for couples choosing to separate, but behind the headline is something much quieter and harder. It’s the moment when people stop just getting through the day and start realising that things really are changing.

If you’re separating, it can feel like everything is happening at once. There’s grief, fear, logistics, and a thousand decisions you didn’t necessarily ask or expect to make. Money can feel especially overwhelming – not because you’re bad with it, but because it stops being a team sport and a lot of your assumptions of your overall financial picture will have changed.

I’ve been there. And while you can’t fix everything at once, there are a few practical steps that can help you feel more in control while you’re getting your head around the bigger picture.

Untangling joint accounts (so your credit history doesn’t stay tangled too)

Your credit score is personal to you – unless you have anything in joint names.

If you do, lenders still see you as financially linked. That means:

• Joint current accounts or savings
• Joint loans or overdrafts
• Mortgages
• Even accounts you haven’t used in years

Until those are closed or formally separated, your credit history is effectively tied together. That can be unsettling, especially when you’re trying to move forward.

It also includes things people forget, like:

• being an additional cardholder on someone else’s credit card
• old joint accounts that were “left for later”

You don’t have to do this all in one go, but it’s worth making a list and tackling them one by one. Each account you close or separate is one less loose end.

Insurance: boring, yes – but important right now

Most of us don’t love insurance at the best of times. But after a separation, it’s something worth revisiting gently but properly. Insurance is based on assumptions: who lives with you, who depends on you, how you travel, how your home is used. If those assumptions change and the policy doesn’t, your cover might not work when you need it.

Start with the big ones:

• Life insurance and death-in-service benefits – check the named beneficiary is who you want it to be now. Policies don’t update themselves, and it’s more common than people realise for payouts to go to an ex simply because no one changed the paperwork.

Then look at:

• Home insurance – number of occupants, security, contents
• Car insurance – named drivers, usage
• Travel insurance – family vs individual cover
• Health or dental plans – dependants listed

This isn’t always bad news. Sometimes circumstances change in a way that means you’re paying more than you need to. Either way, insurance only works if it reflects your life as it is now.

Pensions: intimidating, but too important to ignore

Pensions are often the biggest asset after property – and one of the easiest things to avoid thinking about when everything feels raw.

If you were married or in a civil partnership, pensions are usually treated as joint assets, even if only one person paid into them. There are different ways this can be handled, including pension sharing or offsetting, and it’s an area where proper advice really matters.

What’s important is not just what you’re entitled to, but what happens next:

• Is your pension now clearly in your own name?
• Do you know where it’s held?
• Is it set up for your future, not the life you were planning before?

This isn’t something to rush, but it is something to come back to when you have a bit more headspace, and to mention to your solicitor.

School fees and shared costs: clarity helps everyone

If children are involved and there are ongoing costs like school fees, it helps to be clear sooner rather than later. Have conversations and, where possible, draw up agreements on:

• Who pays what?
• What happens if costs rise?
• How are extras like uniforms, school trips and extra-curriculars handled?

These conversations are hard, but vagueness now often leads to stress later. Clear agreements protect you, your children, and your future plans.

Also think about whether you had any plans to save for milestones like university or weddings, how will that work with your partnership changing?

If you weren’t the money manager, you’re not failing

If your partner handled the finances and you’re suddenly having to learn everything at once, please know this: it doesn’t mean you’re incapable. It just means you’re learning under pressure.

Start small:

• List what you have and what you owe
• Check your credit report
• Get a clear view of your monthly outgoings

And get support. Organisations like Money Wellness offer free, impartial help and can talk things through at your pace. You don’t have to understand everything immediately, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Divorce and financial abuse

In some cases, financial abuse can make it difficult to leave your partner even if you know it's the right thing to do.

Financial abuse can take many forms, but usually involves your spouse controlling your money. That could mean having limited access to money (even your own), or being asked to explain what you've spent money on, for example.

MoneyHelper has a list of things to look out for if you think you're being financially abused.

The good news is that there are plenty of resources available to help if you're in this situation and you don't need to stay if you feel unsafe. Legal Aid can help cover costs if you're in an abusive relationship, and there are also a range of charities you can contact depending on your situation. They're listed on the MoneyHelper financial abuse webpage.

If you are in immediate danger, contact 999. If you can't talk, call 999 followed by 55. Whatever your situation, if you decide you want to go, there are places to turn to for support.

A final word

Separation is one of those life moments where you can feel like control has slipped through your fingers. Money admin won’t fix the emotional side – but it can give you something solid to hold onto while you navigate the rest.

Take things one step at a time. Deal with what you can, when you can. And be kind to yourself in the process.

Getting organised financially isn’t about being ruthless or cold. It’s about giving yourself a little bit of steadiness when you need it most. I promise you, the hardest bit is done – and for the rest there is a huge amount of support available.